


Deductions (He'd Tell You)

by ViveLaRebellion



Series: Something's Wrong [3]
Category: Thomas Sanders, Video Blogging RPF
Genre: Anxiety Attacks, Blood, Deductions, Gen, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Injury, Poor First Aid, Self Care, Self Loathing, Unreliable Narrator, anxiety is a liar, anxiety isnt as subtle as he thinks, logan is observant, the others are just idiots
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-22
Updated: 2017-05-23
Packaged: 2018-11-03 14:17:31
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,889
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10968954
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ViveLaRebellion/pseuds/ViveLaRebellion
Summary: Logan is more observant than Anxiety gives him credit for, but Anxiety is better at hiding some things than Logan thinks.





	1. Honesty

**Author's Note:**

> golly this is gonna be the least trigger happy fic in the series, i think. be safe! enjoy!

Something was off about Anxiety. 

It was subtle; a shift in attitude, perhaps, or maybe the way he carried himself? Logan couldn't pinpoint it exactly, but something had changed about the youngest trait.

For one thing, he always seemed to be on the defensive. Now, this wasn't too different from average, but the severity of his retaliation had definitely increased. One could make a simple comment that could, if given great effort, be construed as insulting or critical, and Anxiety would respond as if you had spit in his face, or delivered some similar degree of insult. This defensiveness alone was cause for worry as far as Logan was concerned. He had only seen Anxiety take things as personally as he was now during their misunderstanding over the "defeatist" comment Logan had made in poor taste, and even then he was only as aggressively defensive when he had reached impatience at the conclusion of their debate. Now that level of irritation and misunderstanding seemed to be Anxiety's constant state, if he wasn't too exhausted to put up a fight. 

Another thing that had caught Logan's eye was the youngest's reclusive behavior. Once more, Anxiety had always been, to some degree, a recluse. The issue was in the bizarre change, or lack, of pattern. Anxiety had typically elected to hole up in his room until either lured out by food or mischief of some sort, and would usually emerge between the same hours every day and remain for a standard length of 45 minutes at a time before retreating once more. Recently, however, the trait was unpredictable. He would come out at different times to lounge in the common area for extended periods of time before grabbing some form of food to take back to his room. From there it was anyone's guess how long he would remain. Some days he would be in and out of the room constantly and others they wouldn't see him at all. It was unsettling to see such a creature of habit breaking his own routine. 

Of course, Logan had not just noticed these things without reason. He had begun to seek them out after the strange incident several days before.

It had been a small exchange between himself and the man in question, but it had stuck stubbornly in his mind. He had been in the kitchen when Anxiety had emerged for one of his unscheduled food breaks. He had been preparing steak for what Patton insisted calling "Family Dinner" despite the fact that they were not a family and were in fact all one person. Having been engrossed in his task he had failed to notice Anxiety enter in the kitchen behind him and had accidentally bumped him with his arm holding the knife. The impact had caused him to drop the knife. 

So far the only thing of interest had been that Anxiety was breaking his usual pattern, and so had been able to surprise Logan. What followed was what made the interaction stick in his mind.

Anxiety had instantly stooped to retrieve the knife, apologizing softly as is his habit. But before fully grasping the knife, he hesitated rather significantly, even going so far as to draw back slightly before deciding on picking it up after all. That by itself was not necessarily cause for intrigue, but when Anxiety returned the knife there was anther moment of reluctance in which he muttered "This'd do fine," seemingly to himself, before finally returning it and turning to leave.

That one phrase paired with the reluctant behavior had triggered Logan's concern. He already had several hypothesis as to the cause of Anxiety's behavior, and many of them worried him greatly. 

* * *

Logan was no longer ashamed to admit to himself that he was worried about Anxiety.

For the last two days not only had Anxiety been actively avoiding all of them, but he was also walking with a limp. To his credit it was a very well concealed limp, but it was obvious in the way he moved that he had injured his right leg in some way. Logan was just glad Patton had also noticed and appeared to be fretting over Anxiety, at least as much as Anxiety ever allowed himself to be fret over. Roman appeared as oblivious as ever, however, which Logan imagined Anxiety was thankful for. He couldn't imagine Anxiety dealing with a hovering Roman very well.

Logan attempted broaching the topic of Anxiety's injury with Patton a couple of times. Each time Patton steadfastly avoided giving Logan a straight answer. "I'm sure he just slept on it wrong! You know how he's always falling asleep in strange places." "Now, Logan, you can't go prying into gloomy-Gus's personal business. If he wanted you to know I'm sure he'd tell you." 

The second response had left a bad feeling in Logan's gut. While he would never readily admit that he followed something as vague as a "gut feeling" he was not about to dismiss one. Would Anxiety go to any of them if something were wrong? He never had in the past, preferring to keep his grievances close to his chest instead of going to the others. And, of course, Logan was referring to the real grievances, not the shallow yet practical concerns and gripes he unloaded on all of them constantly. Anxiety rarely made things about him if they truly mattered.

* * *

 

_If he wanted you to know I'm sure he'd tell you._

Logan was very concerned.

Any greater choice of words would be admitting too much even to himself. What he had just seen left his stomach curdling.

They had all been sitting in the common area watching some vapid romantic comedy. Patton and Roman were completely enamored with it, and even Logan could relate to the male lead, who found much of the bursting into song ridiculous and confusing. Despite his enjoyment of the film, he was keeping a surreptitious ey on Anxiety. Anxiety seemed more distracted than usual. He bounced his leg and didn't seem to know what to do with his hands, switching them from his lap to his pockets to the couch cushions and back. Logan expected him to jump up and excuse himself at any moment, as he would have done by now any other night. Why was he staying?

_If he wanted you to know I'm sure he'd tell you._

Patton's words stuck in his brain, giving him pause whenever he considered approaching Anxiety about his condition. Anxiety was a very private person and wouldn't appreciate anyone in his business. 

Logan was about to turn his attention back to the movie when something caught his eye. Anxiety scratched at his leg, and while that should've been nothing, Anxiety's facial expression turned to a grimace. Logan watched Anxiety's eyes flick down to his hand.

Blood.

There was blood on Anxiety's hand. And Anxiety didn't seem worried about it in the least.

_If he wanted you to know I'm sure he'd tell you._

Several pieces of evidence clicked into place as Anxiety calmly slipped his hand back into his hoodie pocket. He wanted to vomit. Sometimes Logan really hated being right. 

Swallowing his horror, Logan stood, straightening his glasses, and looked directly at Anxiety. "Anxiety, could I please speak with you privately?"

All three traits blinked up at Logan, startled by the sudden disruption. Roman opened his mouth to protest interrupting the movie when Anxiety pushed himself up off the couch with a sigh, gesturing for Logan to proceed. "Lead the way, teach."

Logan nodded and walked to his room, knowing Anxiety was only a step behind. When they arrived Logan shut the door behind them and turned to Anxiety, who looked supremely uncomfortable.

"Anxiety, I am going to ask you a question you may not want to answer, but I would appreciate honesty between us." Best to just cut to the chase. Logan ignored the way Anxiety resembled a prey animal for the sake of his resolve. Logan took a steadying breath and asked. "Have you been harming yourself?"

Logan watched Anxiety's reaction carefully, catching the micro-expressions that flit across his face. Anxiety didn't answer him, he simply trained his eyes on the floor. Logan decided to continue. "I only ask because you have been exhibiting odd behavior that is consistent with those who self-harm. I was unsure of my hypothesis until a moment ago, down in the common area, when you scratched your leg and had blood on your fingers. There is no reason for you to have an inj-"

"Yes."

Anxiety had cut Logan off mid-explanation. His eyes were still trained on the hardwood floor, his head bowed. 

"Yes?"

"Yes. I've been... yeah. That." Anxiety swallowed a lump in his throat and nodded slightly. "I know its stupid and pointless and it doesn't solve anything. I don't know why I do this, but it happens. Chalk it up to irrational feelings." He smiled wryly and looked up at Logan before averting his gaze again.

Logan couldn't help but feel relieved. Anxiety had been honest with him. That was more than he had expected of this conversation. He had expected Anxiety to become aggressive and defensive. This was much better. "I can forgive you your irrationality, even if I do not understand it." Anxiety's shoulders relaxed slightly at that. "However," Anxiety froze again, "I would advise you limit your... habit before it becomes serious. If serious harm would come to you I cannot imagine it would benefit Thomas in any way. Further more, I have been... concerned. For your well-being. It would be most beneficial if you stopped this habit immediately so it does not cause any further distress to you or to Thomas. Are we in agreement?"

As Logan had spoken, Anxiety had seemed to relax. Logan was right in taking a more logical approach to this discussion. Anxiety always did respond best when plainly spoken with. Now, Anxiety was calm, his expression much less guarded or distressed. "Yeah, Logan. I think you're right. This really isn't best for me." Anxiety smiled reassuringly at Logan. "I know it isn't smart, so you can stop worrying. Good talk." The usually negative trait nodded brusquely at Logan before brushing past him out of the room.

Logan felt very pleased with the way that conversation had gone. He had been able to lay out his points and Anxiety had been honest with him. He felt he had really gotten through to him, so much so that Anxiety had even been agreeable when discussing such a sensitive topic. Patton was wrong. If something was wrong it was best to be direct and confront them about it. Though, that didn't surprise Logan. Patton was normally wrong.

Satisfied that everything was the way it should be, Logan returned to the others. Anxiety, however, was absent.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> if anxiety seems out of character at the end thats intentional. gotta love unreliable narrators who think they know everything >:)


	2. Liar

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Anxiety knows nothing about first aid

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thoughts could get a bit trigger happy here, read with caution

Anxiety leaned heavily against his closed door. He was shaking like a leaf and had his hands pressed over his mouth to keep quiet.

_he figured you out he was gonna lay you out right there_

He tried to take a steadying breath, but it came in jagged and hiccuped.

 _so desperate for attention you cant even keep one thing to yourself you just gotta broadcast it_  

The air seemed to curdle in his lungs, making him gag. He couldn't breathe. He was gonna be sick.

_fuck he was furious with me of course he was_

Black spots started dancing across his vision and he pushed away from the door _._

_you're just a disappointment an embarrassment a disgusting loser_

Body sluggish, mind desperate, Anxiety fumbled his way to his bathroom.

_you lied to his face youre such a piece of shit ~~hes so easy to fool though just stroke his ego hell believe anything~~_

Anxiety gasped as his knees hit the tile floor before he leaned over the bowl and vomited up whatever had constituted his dinner tonight. (one poptart)

 _liarliarliarliarliarl_ _iarliarliarliarliar_

~~_thomas doesn't need this right now hes probably falling apart with you youre making him paranoid_ ~~

~~~~Anxiety nodded to nothing as he leaned against the toilet. He wiped his mouth on his sleeve- _no wait Logan would notice_ -on some toilet paper before flushing his sick away. He felt wretched, inside and out, as he opened his medicine cabinet. His fingers fumbled for a moment before landing on his razor. But he froze.

_what if Logan's right ~~~~_

Anxiety's fingers itched to pick up the blade, to do what they'd done so many times already.

~~_a few wont hurt_ ~~

Anxiety's fingers shook as he stared at the razor, itching, begging to pick it up.

_Thomas doesnt want this ~~thomas doesnt know~~ thomas feels it  ~~i need it i need it i need it~~ hell summon me he knows  ~~gotta gotta gotta relax~~_

~~~~Finally he picked up the blade, hesitant for the first time in a long time. If he did this it would be his third time today; more than any day before.

 ~~_youre always too much for any of them to handle they hate youre youre always alwaysalwaysalways ruining everything_ ~~ _woah what the fuck_

Anxiety dropped the blade. it clattered innocently in the sink as he turned his back to it and braced himself on the wall. He couldn't keep this up. He couldn't keep cutting whenever he felt bad because he was always feeling bad. He was tired of it. Tired of being bloody and paranoid and in pain. If he kept up the way he was going he was gonna end up killing himself, and even though he hated himself he didn't want to die.  ~~ _yes you do_~~ Ok he didn't want to literally die. Just existentially. 

_what am i supposed to do now_

 He ran a hand through his hair and started focusing on his breathing, squeezing his eyes shut against all the excess information he didn't need. He could still feel his pulse pounding in the cuts from that afternoon and resisted the urge to dig his nails in to make them hurt more. 

_ok how did i deal with myself before_

Anxiety may have been floundering. It had been so long since he had to use his other coping mechanisms he was forgetting them.  _counting. counting helps!_ Something to occupy his mind that didn't take a lot of skill or brain power. So, with shaky breaths, Anxiety began counting quietly. The numbers spilled out of him like a flood at first until he reached the mid thirties and his mind began to slow. As the numbers climbed his heart rate calmed and his mind cleared. At 87 he was completely calm again. He hadn't had to count in ages, and he was glad it still worked. He beamed inwardly, proud that he'd gotten through that. His mind thought to what else he should do.

He thought of the still bloody cuts along his thigh that had exposed him to Logan.

_~~nosy prick~~  self care is important_

With great effort, Anxiety peeled off his jeans, which prompted many of the day's cuts to reopen. He stared, mesmerized as the blood beaded up through his skin, for a moment before shaking his head to snap out of it and continued stripping. He had a few crappy first aid supplies he'd never used under his sink, courtesy of Morality, and he pulled them out.  _maybe i should get dad to help me ~~hes watching a movie dont ruin his evening~~_  He didn't know what to do with a lot of this stuff, but he saw hydrogen peroxide and gauze, so he figured he'd start there. Gritting his teeth, he poured the peroxide over the cuts, biting his tongue in surprise at the burning pain. He swore as he quickly used the gauze to wipe it up before the thought occurred to him he might have to leave it to sizzle for a minute.

Groaning inwardly, he laid the chemical soaked gauze back over his cuts and applied pressure until the burning sensation returned. It was much less intense this time, but still not a kind of pain Anxiety could get behind. After about a minute of this, Anxiety switched out the soaked gauze for a clean, dry piece. It took him a second to realize he needed some way of keeping the cloth on his leg and dove back into the box of supplies. He found a spool of loose gauze long enough to wrap around his leg several times. He had seen Morality use something similar when he had patched him up, so started trying to copy what he had seen. 

Anxiety's attempt was not very pretty like Morality had done, but he managed to tie a decent knot in it and it was tight enough it didn't feel like it was going to fall off any time soon. He guessed that was all that really mattered.

He packed up the box of supplies, replacing it in the cabinet under the sink, threw his bloody jeans in the laundry bin, and adamantly avoided looking at the razor still resting in the sink. Instead, he shuffled back out to his room and slid on some pj pants before crawling into bed. 

_go back to the movie ~~been gone too long theyll ask questions~~_

Anxiety pulled out his phone and pulled up Netflix, deciding to watch a movie of his own.


End file.
